Welcome to Dream Dinner Party, where we ask notable figures to describe just that: the dinner party of their dreams.

Amy Schumer is busy. She has a comedy tour that runs through November, a show on Hulu, Life & Beth, and a recently published book, Arrival Stories: Women Share Their Experiences of Becoming Mothers, which she edited with Christy Turlington Burns. But that didn’t stop her from dreaming up a dinner party for us. And believe it or not, she may not even be the funniest person on the guest list.

If you could have any three guests—dead or alive, fictional or real—at your ideal dinner party, who would they be? And why would you invite them?

Mark Twain (yes, this choice is problematic, but if I’m being real, I want to hear what he has to say). Rachel Feinstein, my best friend and a comedian. We’d laugh together at Twain’s humor. And my husband, [chef] Chris Fischer, to share in the moment.

Would the dinner be at your home, a private room at a restaurant, or somewhere else? And who would do the cooking?

Chris would cook but not at our home. We would host somewhere fun and different, maybe the Campbell Bar in Grand Central Station in New York City

I’ve never managed to find it, let alone had a cocktail there. In this very New York setting, what do you and Chris serve?

We’d start with clams, followed by one of his pastas where he pours a blended veggie ragù over the top, or any of his perfectly cooked veggies and carne asada.

Would you serve wine or cocktails?

Cocktails. We’re deep in conversation with Twain Twain, which is the nickname he has us call him because the dinner is going so well. Rachel is making us cry-laugh when our friend [comedian] Bridget Everett comes in and surprises us with a song. We’re singing, laughing, and drinking.

Ooh, I love a good laugh and a good cocktail. What are you drinking?

An Old Friend, which is equal parts Campari and Basil Hayden bourbon, mixed with vermouth and garnished with an orange peel. Bon appétit!

What do you talk about?

I’d ask Twain what Helen Keller was like! They were friends. I’d wait till appetizers to let him know the things he got wrong. Then we laugh and I listen. He was kind of the greatest comic to live so far. Until I arrived on the scene…. Just kidding!